For several years now, on June 9, we are pleased to celebrate an unofficial, but no less important holiday - International Friends Day. And that is great! After all, while each of us has a best friend, we will not feel lonely.
But friendship is a mutual process, and in order for it not to be interrupted, it is necessary to work on relations between the two. On how to remain best friends for life, read today on Impif, and share the link with those with whom you dream to be friends for many years.
To be friends means to trust
Any friendly relations should be based on boundless trust - where it ends, friendship ends. Therefore, one should not question the stories and sincerity of a friend and, especially, accuse him of deliberate deception. Even if you perfectly understand that this person told you a lie, find the opportunity to justify it. Maybe he distorted some events "for the sake of red words", or maybe just does not want to upset you.
Naturally, all of the above does not apply to lies for the sake of self-interest, this is not necessary to forgive, because this means only one thing - they do not make friends with you, they use you. But since our article is devoted to how to maintain the friendship, and not how to lose it, we will not develop this idea further, but we proceed to the next point.
Do not criticize friends and their environment
There is a popular opinion that only a true friend can tell the truth without a hunch in the face, say, "who, if not him?". But in fact, we expect moral support from friends, not critics, so do not sharply tell a loved one everything that you think about him or about some related situation. Hint, gently push to some action - yes, but do not prove in the categorical form that he is wrong.
Refrain and from insults to the native people of your friend. Believe me, he himself knows what is wrong with his relatives, acquaintances and the other half. He can complain to them regularly, spilling out negative emotions, but if you begin to expansively abuse them, then, most likely, provoke a conflict or resentment. For example, there are cases when the phrase: "Your mother is angry" was the reason for a complete break in the friendly relations.
Do not make friends jealousies
As practice shows, people are jealous not only of love partners. Jealousy of friends can be no less intense and destructive. If one friend is psychologically very dependent on another, he necessarily demonstrates this in some way - scandals, long deaf grievances or attempts to quarrel a loved one with those around him. "Enemies" of the jealous become the other friends, beloved (beloved) and even the parents and relatives of the one whom he considers his best friend.
Any manifestation of jealousy is very tedious for who they are aimed at, so if you want to keep the friendship, then recognize the right of your friend to a personal space. And, no matter how painful you are, do not arrange scenes for him - sooner or later it gets boring, and friendly relations stop. Remember that this person does not owe you anything and that his communication with you is voluntary. So put up with the fact that in his life there is not only you.
Do not ask friends for what you can not give them.
Friendship should be a mutual and adequate action and not a "one-game game". For example, if you can not (or do not want to) meet your best friend at his first call and do not call him at least once a week, then do not ask him to react immediately to your offer to see and do not expect frequent phone calls.
In addition, if you refuse to share with your friend some of your secrets and experiences, then do not insist that he tells you everything about himself. It is necessary that frankness is mutual, otherwise, there is a feeling that you intentionally find out this person's secrets, but at the same time you do not trust him or do not need it.
Do not mix friendship and financial standing
Often, friendship ends when the best friends are on different steps of the social ladder. A better person opens up new exciting opportunities, and he prefers to spend his free time not with his poor friend, but with a company of people equal in status to him.
Or the one who is not rich, begins to desperately envy his comrade, he is angry because he does not have everything so fabulously, and as a result either stop communication or is taken to pull money from a wealthy friend.
If you are more fortunate in life than your best friend, but you really value relationships with him, then try not to notice that your income is much higher. If it's you that turned out to be less fortunate, do not envy your friend and do not use his finances.
In the end, you can always find the "golden mean" and temporarily, at the time of the meeting, how to equalize the material possibilities. For example, do not call a poor friend in an expensive cafe, so as not to put him in an embarrassing situation, or not to buy to the general table of elite products. We do not meet with friends for the sake of demonstrating our financial status.
Do not abuse communication with a best friend
In order to maintain a friendship for life, you need to remember that everything is good in moderation. Even with the best friends, you can not communicate every day, there must be breaks. Then meetings will become truly valuable, there will be more topics for conversation, and you will not have time to bother each other.
In addition, it is undesirable to constantly talk only about the problems - if you meet with a friend solely to tell him about what happened to your trouble, compassion on his part quickly dulls. Obsessive complaints about life, as well as many hours of discussion of the same critical situation, sooner or later start to irritate. Which in turn leads to alienation. Therefore, if you do not want a friend from you to just hide, do not overload it with negative emotions.
Learn to find compromises
To be friends with a person who constantly agrees with you in everything, easily and comfortably. But if you really value your best friend, then do not forget that he also has his own opinion, his preferences and life circumstances. Friendship is a compromise, and only the ability to give in makes it long and problem-free.
Think often about whether it is convenient for your friend to meet with you where you want, whether he can go to where you dream to rest, and whether he shares your point of view. The more actively you take into account the interests of this person, the easier and more lasting will be communication. Even in a friendly union, built according to the "leading-led" scheme, the weaker one must know that the one who is stronger respects him.
At the end of the article, we say: about the "pitfalls" of friendship you cannot think only in childhood and in early adolescence. The fact is that during these periods the circle of communication is constantly changing, and it is still not clear who will be our best friend for many years. We live in one day and do not think about the future.
When our character is fully formed, the preservation of friendly relations becomes very important, but not an easy process. After all, we bring our attitudes and social status into friendship, we begin to require friends to follow our principles and participate in solving our problems.
That is why it is very difficult to make friends through your whole life. This requires tact, mutual respect, the ability to compromise and complete trust. In addition, we should not forget that we should be sincerely interested in the affairs of those whom we consider being best friends, and regularly prove to these people that their presence near us makes our existence truly beautiful.